I fought the law and the law won.

As the first to post something, I feel some obligation to explain who I am. I put a lot of (some) thought into how I might introduce myself, but then realized that the following story is indicative of who I am. In a nutshell, I am Murphy's Law incarnate.

On Friday, two of my oldest friends came to visit me. We had a couple of drinks at my apartment before heading out for the night. At around 9:30, we made our way to the subway station. Maybe it's just that I've become increasingly spoiled with the convenience the subway affords me, but the last thing I wanted was to just miss the train and have to wait another ten minutes for the next one. So when my friend Laura told me she needed to get a MetroCard, I would have none of it. After all, it was mere hours ago that I had spent $81 on a monthly card. I guess I felt entitled to use it how I saw fit. So in a most juvenile move, I took her through the turnstile with me. The legal term, I learned, is "doubled up".

It could have been the vodka or maybe it was that invincible, it-won't-happen-to-me attitude that did it, but I could swear I saw her standing there before we broke the law. Not only did I let Laura come through the turnstile with me, but I was loud about it. "Who cares? Just come in with me! No one's gunna care! WOOO!"

But someone did care, and it was the cop standing RIGHT there on the platform. I wouldn't be surprised if she thought I did it as an anti-establishment political statement, because that's how blatant and shameless we were.

So Laura and I are told to stand against the wall while my roommate Ashley and my other visiting friend Jackie double up with the greatest of ease and coast on through the turnstile. The train comes and we miss it. This happens two or three times while the officer calls us in on her radio and writes us tickets.

I couldn't be mad. I had already had an obnoxious day, so it seemed natural that this happened. The officer called my name in, spelling it out using men's names and I thought back to the only other time in my life I heard my name spelled like that.

I was sixteen and went to a house party. It was like every other party I had ever been to, except for one small detail; no one that lived in the house was actually present. It wasn't like we had all broken in, I mean this girl left her keys with a friend for the sole purpose of allowing us to party there. No one thought it was a big deal until the cops showed up; closing in on the party like hawks. I'm talking front door, back door, garage door... there was no way to escape them unless you jumped off of the back deck and ran into the woods. Which some people actually did.

The rest of us were ushered into the living room like a herd of cattle. The cops told us to call our parents. What the cops didn't know was that I had successfully evaded any and all situations where my parents could have potentially found out I was doing something wrong. I watched my friends get picked up by their parents over the course of two hours, figuring that if I could wait it out, I would be let go. It wasn't until my best friend Jessica and I were in the back of a police car and I heard my name going out over the radio, "George...Eric...Oscar...Richard", that I decided it was a good time to call my father.

So back to this Friday. Here I am, receiving my first summons ever. When I asked the officer a question about paying said summons, she looked at me in disbelief. "You've never got a summons before?" Looking at me like I'm some petty criminal. Fuck no, I've never got a summons. After years of being a law-breaking citizen, it's doubling up in a goddamn turnstile that got me.

Not only that, but the ticket is $100. I'm looking at the ticket and there's a bunch of different options. We have $25. I would've taken that. Then there's $50, $60, and $75. What in God's name can you do for a $25 ticket? What is less lame than doubling up on the subway? Apparently there are a few lesser offenses, and I'd like to know what they are. Maybe during another time of my life, this wouldn't be a big deal, but the last thing I would want to spend $100 on is a train ride that I, in all actuality, already paid for.

Most of all, I'm stunned that after everything I've done, this was what I got pinched for. This is an otherwise perfect bank robbery gone awry because someone forgot to take a security camera down. This is a serial killer leaving behind a strand of hair. This is me doubling up so that I won't miss the train. I couldn't be mad at the officer, I was too amused by the irony unfolding around me. I doubled up just to not have to miss a train that didn't show up for another six minutes. Laura and I stood for almost twenty minutes while passersby ogled us. I hope they came up with a more interesting story in their heads regarding our offense than what actually happened.

Exactly 25% of my paycheck goes to the government and I refuse to give them $100 more. It would be ridiculous for Laura to contest the ticket because she doesn't live here, but you can bet your sweet little ass that on December 22nd at 8:30 A.M. I will be in court hoping the officer in question is too busy writing frivolous tickets or Christmas shopping to show up.