As I sit here trying to introduce myself I am finding it harder and harder to figure out exactly what and who I am. I know my age. I know where im from and what my job is. But beyond all that, im at a loss for words. This is the battle ive been fighting my entire life. a battle of adjectives. A battle of descriptions. I have always felt as though no matter what clothes I wear, what ill always be the most uncomfortable in is my own skin. This is mainly because I have never been sure of exactly what it was I was labeling myself as. Am I a joiner and a doer? am i who my friends are? Am I a slacker? A stereotype? A statistic? All of this is why I have decided to participate in this project. To get a clearer idea of who I am. Because sometimes things make more sense the farther removed you are from them. I want to see my life laid out in front of me in a language I understand and no longer jumbled up in my head; over-thought and exhausted. I guess I am hoping my life is a Monet; messy up close, beautiful from afar.
Unlike many children I never really thought to far ahead into my life. Never really imagined my wedding or named my yet to be had children. I never thought about where I wanted to go to college, not even when I was in high school. I never was much of a planner. That’s probably why I feel so lost now. I don’t have a five-day plan let alone a five-year plan. Maybe eleven year old me betrayed twenty three year old me by never dreaming. I guess if you dream youre only setting yourself up for a disappointment. Actually, maybe that statement sums me up right there. Actually, maybe i'm just drunk.
When reading my posts you can expect a lot of conflict (interpersonal and otherwise), poor spelling, fragmented sentences, and definitely lack of correct punctuation. But hopefully hidden in all my grammatical sins, there is some sort of insight that makes reading and writing all worth it. Or at the very least you can probably feel a lot better about your situation by reading mine. Youre welcome.
-shannon
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