Mouthbreather

Nothing makes me wish I lived with my parents more than being sick. When I was at school and I got sick, my dad would come pick me up and whisk me away to a land of cold medicines and cool washcloths. The pots of soup were bottomless. There, I could lay on the couch and leave my used tissues crumpled up beside me until my mother would come clean them up and bring more tea and well-wishes. I'd get to go to the doctor and blow off classes and I'd be better in two or three days and it was a beautiful thing.

No more. The thing about me is, if I have a cold or a sore throat or something minor, I truck through it. I have no problem self-medicating. But when I have the flu, I regress into childhood and become completely incapable of doing anything myself; including walking, feeding myself, and changing the channel. I whimper and shake uncontrollably like a puppy mill victim. Frankly, it's embarrassing. Walking from my bed to the bathroom takes four hours of stored energy to accomplish.

I also don't eat. This week, I've had two cans of soup and a pint of raspberry sorbet. In the past five days. That's not much food. Granted, I had a few Reese's Peanut Butter Cups too, but that doesn't really count, does it?

So I had an interesting experience while I was sick this time around. My boss called a free clinic for me (as I do not have health insurance), and they told her to send me in. It was the third day I had been incapacitated, so I was anxious to get some sort of help from an adult (Note: I am not an adult. If I were, I would have known to get a fucking flu shot after the first time I got the flu this year). So I take a cab to the clinic. Apparently, when you don't have insurance, "free" means $200. I already spent close to that on Theraflu, Nyquil, Dayquil, Campbell's soup, and raspberry sorbet.

Then, they asked if I had a pay stub. I did. Now, my free clinic trip only costs $150! What a deal! This was only for them to look at me. Any tests would've been extra. Any prescription would have been paid for in full. Not worth it.

I walked back to work in the rain and cried a little (I know, dramatic, but I'm sick and that's what I do) at the prospect that America does not want to help me. Not to make this a political post, but my parents were born here, and I was born here, and we all work FULL TIME, HERE, and I shouldn't have to pay $200 to see some half-ass doctor who will tell me something I already know and prescribe me something I can buy off of a friend for half the price.

During the election, I met a lot of "olds" who would say, "Sweetheart, no doctor would ever turn you away because you didn't have insurance". Meaning since I'm a young, 'white' American, I will be taken care of when I'm sick for free. This is their debate against improving the health care system. Where does this happen? Is there some secret fucking code word I have to use? Maybe a doctor wouldn't turn me away. But I know plenty of receptionists that would.

I returned back to work, and my boss felt terrible for sending my sick ass out into the rain to the non-free clinic. I left work early with some prescription cough medicine that saved my life, and now, two days later, I'm (almost) better. Dr. Mom was disappointed that I took someone else's meds, but it's a Cowboy-and-Indian world the uninsured live in, and I'm just acting accordingly.

I don't have the flu anymore, but I do have a sinus infection. I'd rather have the flu. I've never had a sinus infection before, and it's scary because I can't fucking breathe through my nose. I have Vicks slathered all over me like it's suntan oil. If anyone has any suggestions, please leave them.